Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Cryo-Vest me a River

HOT, HOT, HOT!! Yesterday afternoon at the start of the CMA's daily call to burnt virus ridden possum piss flavored coffee, Veterookie(enough time in service to rate Veteran status, however still rookie to me and forever will be) Swazey skipped into the coffee house sporting his brand new Cryo-Vest under that ugly homemade sleeveless jersey. Yeah I know Swazey, the other dude spelled it Swayze but as you already know because you are one of my many daily readers, this is my B-Log and I will spell it how I feel like spelling it.

After taking a minute to flaunt his newly acquired cooling 'Get Up', this icon of the Charlotte Messenger Scene sat down with me and shared his rancid brew while openly answering some questions that I posed to him.
Billy(trying to pull myself together from a 3 minute real laugh): First of all thank you Patrick for giving me that laugh. I haven't laughed that hard since a few weeks ago when Kangalangamagis was telling us a story about short cubes and practical jokes in the bank world.

Swazey: You are welcome and most jealous indeed aren't you?

Billy: So, tell me how your sportingly new Cryo-Vest is working out for you.

Swazey: This thing is rad, I am chilly and about to order more of those little cryo-packets. Do you want me to order you some so that we can save on shipping?

Billy: No thanks Swazey, please remember that I am the one asking the questions.

Swazey: Okay, but if you decide you want to order any let me know so we won't have to pay double shipping.
Billy: Tell me about your Cryo-Vest.

Swazey: The vest is made up of something like 136 of these little clear packets that are pressed against the front and back of my torso. I put the packets containing the 'special' cryo-fluid in the freezer for 10 hours and then I strap them to my body.

Billy: Does it work?

Swazey: Yes, I am actually freezing right here in this chair, pass the coffee please. Look at my hand, it is shaking, do you think I am getting hypothermia?

Billy: Once again, please leave the questions to me. Is the Cryo-Vest long lasting? It is obviously cold right now.

Swazey: It is still very cold, almost freezing. As I was riding here I actually started to shiver even though the ambient temperature is coming up on 100F.

Billy: Really, when did you put it on?

Swazey: About twenty minutes ago when I left my house after lunch.

Billy: Hmm, sounds like a good investment. Are you happy with your ROI?

Swazey: Sure, anything that helps me do this job more comfortably is well worth the investment. The return is the illusion of temporary relief from the sweltering conditions.

Billy: Like that frozen evaporation scarf you had on last week?

Swazey: Exactly.

Billy: Well Patrick, thanks for sharing your work related purchase story with me and my beautiful audience.

Swazey: No problem, thanks for letting me buy you yet another cup of coffee. Can I take this thing off now? I really think I may going into cold shock...


Cletus said...

pimpin aint easy...specially when your ride from the parking deck(er, "home") takes it out of ya!

Billy Fehr said...

Totally, right?