Thursday, July 9, 2009

Bike Courier Lunch

I completely apologize for my absence yesterday and the lame lyrical reference in the last post. I was too busy pulling the apathetic 13 million dollar Tomahawk Missile from out of my core Chakras that was delivered when I attempted to pick up my kid at the airport Monday evening. She had been in Connecticut for a week visiting my family and was flying solo under the 100$ extra care each way of USAir. When I arrived at the Jar International Airport to pick her up because St Lissa was working the late schedule I was told by a lack of Supervisor that my name was not on the pick up list, only St Lissa's was. She took my passport behind the wall and returned with a frown saying that there was 'nothing' she could do. I looked for her eyes but she would not give them to me as I explained that what she was saying was not true. She waved her marginalized hand body and soul as I told her the truth to her back which was walking away. Skip the comas they are not perceived by this about to pop culture. St Lissa had to leave work in an emergency and get down right away to scoop Ms. Arcen. Maybe the bank will cut their losses and fire her with the rationalization that she did have to leave work an hour early pick up her daughter. We can only hope that happens so we can be one step closer to defectin, that's right defictin. Ms. Arcen is now home safe and I am somewhat over the experience of having guns, bullets and kevlar separating me from the one I love right here in the Jar.

Let the Tripe continue! What a great word, I never knew that it had two meanings. People ask me all the time about my job as a bicycle messenger and sometimes they actually seem genuine. What do you do when it rains? How many miles a day do you ride? Have you ever been hit by a car? Do you make good money? What is the weather like? Do you go to the gym at night? How far away from town do you ride? Where did you get that bag? How many bikes do you have? What kind of bike do you ride for work? How much did that helmet cost? Do those sandals have cleats? How do I get calves like that? I bet you are in good shape, aren't you? Questions like these by random bucketry repeat themselves constantly all the time.

What do you eat for lunch? Well let me tell you. Yesterday I had 2 pieces of whole wheat not toonfood bread, 2 slices of yellow Amerian Empire Cheese and a beautiful big Red tomato that I had pulled out of the garden the night before. I carried the lot in my trusty messenger bag until after my noon schedule. Then I found an empty bench and under the watchful eye of the CMPD I sliced the tomato for a sandwich that actually had flavor, real tomato taste and texture. It was the best sammy I have had in weeks and I fixed it on the same bench that the homeless use to nap.

Important B(for Billy)-Log News: Thanks to GhostRyder I now have 19 followers on my side bar which puts me one past The Ghost of Jerry Reed! Woo-Hoo, I have been waiting for this day since I realized such an important gadget existed. You are now in the rear view GJR how does my back look? I honestly thank all of you 19 folks that have taken the time to follow these useless thoughts, ramblings and pictures. If you have not already please follow me today!

Stage 5 Tour de France news: Tom 'Boom Boom' Boonen flatted, not once but twice! In a show of defiance the French cycling hero Little Tommy Voekler kept away the astute Dutchman and everyone else to take the stage win. This little fella has been fun to watch since 2002, always trying hard towards the front and even in the yellow but he had never won a stage in the Tour until yesterday. Voekler's 122mile win was really beautiful to see.


Anonymous said...

What are the meanings and background of your use of the words "toon" and "jar"? Thanks

The Ghost of Jerry Reed said...

Let the "follower" war commence



Billy Fehr said...

First, would you please jump on mine, giving me 20? I am a devoted follower of yours giving you the 18. Come on man, reciprocate.

Jordy said...

anonymous(or, anony"mouse"). . . hi there, its jordy. doing ok? great! im chiming in here in order to do a little book keeping, some dotting of the "i"s (eyes) if you will. ive noticed youre interested in finding out from billy the "meaning and background" of the words toon and jar. though i believe a more apt word choice would be "application" i understand your inquiry and shall do my best to help you understand. (i do however want to stress that anything in the "world of your perception" bears whatever meaning you apply to it.)

but background. i used to live in a beautiful place (blackberry brambles, ponds, stars, dirt dead end road, biodiversity, etc). i used to hike all day through pine forest and creeks and find magical indian arrowheads and magical firewood cabins. then one day a gaping gash came cutting through my world like a river of dryness. like the back of a dying cats throat. it was the 485. a "beltway" to make life in the bible belt more manageable and practical for what with all the coming bankers and all. it would later be where i held a womans blood in her body while her arm lay dismembered beside her after she tried to cut over to her exit in a last minute attempt to be a flight attendant. she murmured her husbands phone number to me through blue lips.

this beltway (mystic jews believe there is a spiritual belt holding our physical bodies in place, i understood this after i undid mine once in a dream, whoops!) but this beltway was designed to run through what is actually called the "red, hot epicenter" (bad post 9/11 marketing indeed) of Ballantyne. a name applied to an area where shutteraw indians lived for 500 years. now, with its country clubs wasting limited viable life giving resource and its mansions doing the same it was established and loved, adored and admired. envied. my family became a family of envy. oh dallas, your episodes held none of this gaudy fortune.

so, i began to notice that this ballantyne was not so much a that (whatever a ballantyne is) but a ballanTOON. a simple parody of itself in toony primary chincy coloring. and people behaved like it was a cartoon and nothing mattered. everything was disposable because it all came from nowhere anyways and this was the miraculous blessing of a god who continues to bless america and all that, you know where im coming from. you were there when then toon came marching in, oh when the toon came marching in.

thankfully here at im able to communicate with another human who understands what a toon is. and how to identify one. when he sees one. and not live in one. without thinking about it. you know?


(side note, "follower" war).

Billy Fehr said...

Jesus Jordy,
I was wondering if by chance you were up this morning in (un)Fairfield Iowa checking in on the B-Log. Brilliant description of the word Toon and my application of it. You are indeed a scholar and a gentleman.
If I may I would like to expound on your words just a bit.
ToonFood: In 1994 while Bill Clintoon was President of this fine Nation the World Food Organization and the World Health Organization came to the UN with disturbing facts about the global starvation death rate. At that time roughly 75,000 people a day were dying from not eating enough food on the African continent alone. That year there were just under 6 Billion people on the surface of the planet. What disturbed the WFO and the WHO was that by using simple extrapolation theory they determined that in 2045 there would be over 18Billion people enjoying their time on earth. What was the world gonna do with over 3 times the amount of hungry people? Clintoon through the UN had the 3 entities come up with a plan. Within a year that plan was formulated. The UN decided to make nutrition illegal for all 26 United Nations and the 'Free' World, that way there would be enough ToonFood, like KFC for everyone. Don't believe me? Go to your local grocery store, pull down any non-nutritional food item and seriously look at its contents. Not even the fruit is real, they are GMO. So, for those of us who are even remotely concerned about avoiding ToonFood at all costs we hunt for certain foods by name and source, pay more and sometimes do not eat in social situations. Amazing but true. Bill Clintoon lied more than once.
The Jar: I believe I invented that word when someone asked me to describe the city of Charlotte from the perspective of a lowly bike messenger. There is an Uptoon Beltway as well, the John Belk 277. That means the immediate area(20 blocks square) around the big buildings is surrounded by constant not so Freeway. I noticed that within that circle things are very different from lets say, the rest of America and World. When up here if one is paying attention it feels like being in a huge Mason Jar with the lid on tightly separating ourselves from the rest of the planet. Interestingly enough the Jar is the reason for the rest of the world's plight. Bank of America is the left hand arm of the Unites States Federal Government and the cause of such a wonderful global situation. Anything supporting the Uptoon, like the Airport deserves the prefix 'Jar' as my application portrayed in Toonday's post.
The Jar International Airport.

I truly hope these explanations helped your perceptions, thanks for the anonymous inquiry.

Billy Fehr said...

Editorial Comment Correction:
I was obviously referring to all 192 of the United Nations not 26. There are presently 26 nations in the military elitist group of NATO which is what caused my numerical confusion.

Doug Brummett said...

There are others out there reading, but not following officially. Found your blog ling over on Rich D.'s site and have been reading it every few days. It is nice to read real accounts by real people. I am amazed that you run into so much bureaucracy in your life. It is everywhere, but boy does it seem to have your number. Glad your daughter was able to leave the airport eventually. My favorite dipstick in your wake has to be the lady from the park who was harassing you about your daughter being in the water. At any rate, keep writing and I will keep reading.

Billy Fehr said...

Thank you very much for reading and being interested in my blog. It is good to know that at least 2 people out there are getting that I am honesty putting my observations and real experiences out there.

Anonymous said...

Billy & Jordy,

Thank you for the explanations. You both have a great ability to put emotion into your words.
Living and working inside the "jar" I have noticed this bubble that occurs. Thank you for putting a word to it.