Monday, August 3, 2009

The Funniest 'Help' Your Friend Move Story-EVER!

I made this Image of Jordy on the porch of Boots' parents' pre Civil War Constructed home out on Beatties Ford Road. I was informed that Boots grew up in this house that is on the National Registry for being built over 160 years ago. The following is the transcript from the emergency session that I had with my therapist Dr. Bloggy at 0100hrs this morning.

Dr. Bloggy: Wow, Billy it sure is late or is it early for that matter? Either way you said that you could not sleep, what's up the perpetual War of this fine Nation has you using your brain for something other than recreational shopping again?

Billy: No Doc, not this time. Actually I have a funny story that I thought you would appreciate and the sooner I get it off of my chest the sooner I can go back to sleep and the dream I was having that I had lost 100 pounds and got a Moots Sponsorship.

Dr. Bloggy: You realize that dream is unrealistic, if you lost 100lbs that would put you under a hundred by a stone and you would not retain any of your strength. Anyway, go on, what was your funny weekend story?

Billy: Well, about a week ago I received a text message from Boots(this used to be his blog, I think he Facebooks now) saying that I was one of 3 people who was being asked to help him and his little family's stuff move from his parents' house north of town to his new place in Plaza Mid-Woody. The move was scheduled to start at 0800hrs on Saturday August 1, 2009. See, Boots is married to a lovely lady, they have one small son and she is pregnant with their second child.

Dr. Bloggy: Plaza Mid-Woody? I love that area, I hear there is good shopping close by. Sorry, go on Billy.

Billy: Well anyways I was not sure who the other 2 were but I responded that I would be there and that he could count on me. In the middle of the week I intuitively invited Jordy to help thinking that his extra set of hands and strong back would be an asset. Jordy has only been in town for a few weeks from his 9 month Iowa transfer and we have not really had a chance to get caught up. Plus I knew a crack out was on the horizon and who better to share one with.

Dr. Bloggy: Billy, we talked about your usage of the 2 words put together cracked out, remember people may think you have a crack addiction when you have never used the toxic substance. You are speaking metaphorically right? Do go on.

Billy: Yes, of course I use that term metaphorically, with everything that is actually happening on the planet who really needs crack. Anyways Jordy and I show up 5 minutes early eager and ready to commence the Boots family move transfer. There were Doughnuts but seeing I had already eaten my oatmeal I declined. Local cycling legend Matt Goelzer(center in blue) was one of the other 3 and the third did not show, so by bringing Jordy the help number was back up to 3. That is 4 strong movers if you count Boots. In the kitchen before the move started a lady who turned out to be Taryn's mumpty cornered me about my articulately carved calf muscles. She yelled through the hall that this must be the one Taryn was talking about, "Look at those legs." Matt looked down thinking she was talking about his paltry little legs until he glanced over at mine gleaming in the light like 2 olive tan porcelain spaghetti bowls.

Dr. Bloggy: Billy, your calves have nothing to do with this story, do they? Please, go on what happened next? You are on the clock you know.

Billy: Next, Boots showed us around the 2 stories and pointed out in full delegation style the boxes and things that had to be moved down to the front porch and then onto the horse trailer which was attached to a big pick up truck. The kind of truck that you would see being driven by an easy going guy, the heartbeat of America. So, after the run through we went to task getting things down stairs staged for the trailer. Up and down, Boxes, chairs, some buckets and those plastic tubs good for storing things. Up and down, down and up. Occasionally I would help one of the other guys move down a big thing or 8, like chairs, sofa, dressers and a crib at the least.

Dr. Bloggy: Billy you look like you are about to laugh, are you okay?

Billy: Yeah Doc, I am fine, I am about to get to the good part is all. Next with more stuff still coming down Boots and I started loading the trailer with the bigger items so that we could start stacking boxes. The trailer loaded well and everyone was reaching deep in that first hour. Just as the trailer was about loaded Boots looked at me and said, "Once you guys(Jordy, Matt and I) leave here you will follow my dad to the storage unit down the road, load up the rest of the boxes and then follow him to our new house down off the Plaza." That was the first I had heard about a storage unit but the kicker was that Boots had to leave for his real job just as we pulled into the storage unit. In other words he only gave us 15 minutes notice that he was bailing on us so that he could go to his job showing shiny pictures of bike parts to the Bujahideen. I thought he was joking at first.

Dr. Bloggy: Was he?

Billy: Hell no, he wasn't joking at all. As a matter of fact the joke was on us. When we got to the Storage unit Boots showed us what we had to do, jumped in his little shiny car viper and took off. That left Jordy, Matt, Boots' dad(who could not lift much at all) and I to do the rest of the work. I looked at Jordy, he looked a little cracked out, like a reflection of me and then I looked at Matt who smiled like Bill Murray's character on Caddy Shack. At that point we were alone in front of the unit and decided that as awkward as this situation was that we would band together and knock out the rest of this move.

Dr. Bloggy: Was he expecting you to unload the stuff into the new house as well, without him even being there?

Billy: In the few minutes after he sped away I was wondering that myself Doc. Of course he was. He also under estimated the amount of boxes and other IKEA approved furnishings that were in the storage unit. We loaded up what we could but there was around about a half trailer left at the storage unit as we drove away laughing our asses off towards his new place in Plaza Mid Woody near the corner of Cool and Cool. Right before we left the unit his dad said, "Well, he is just gonna have to suck it up on the rest." So, we got to the new and waited for the trailer to arrive by unloading the bed and other stuff from the back of Jordy's truck. We were told to take our shoes off, yea right. Then the trailer arrived. We unloaded it by 1100hrs including putting the numbered boxes in the appropriate rooms which was identified by the master inventory list which was a pink sheet of paper. We called out the number and were given our orders on each box, thankfully the numbers only went to 65. All the furniture went to the appropriate rooms as well. When we were done unloading I went to say my good byes.

Dr. Bloggy: That was it, end of story?

Billy: I thought so too Doc but Boots' dad came pointing down the steps retracting his earlier statement about his son sucking it up and asked us to go back up to the unit and load the rest of the 'stuff'. I immediately balked trying desperately to get me and my comrades out of this awkward situation. I felt like I was talking to my ole man so after hemming and hawing I was in the back of Goelzer's car headed north to the storage unit committing myself to another 2 hours of labor without being able to share that with the home owner I was moving.

Dr. Bloggy: So, did you guys Git er done?

Billy: In pro level style, fast, somewhat accurate and careful but above all with honor and honesty. We finished the move of Boots in around 5 hours and only had his managing presence for like the first 45 minutes. As soon as it was over Jordy and I headed over to the Rue for a coldie and some laughs recounting the circumstances of being part of what has to be one of the funniest move your friend stories ever.

Dr. Bloggy: Is that the end, is there anything else you want to say?

Billy: As a matter of fact I think I saw a Twit or something from Boots later Saturday night saying that, "Finally moved in to our own place!! Taking visitors...give a ring or hit me up here.10 hours ago · Comment · LikeUnlike". This made me laugh harder than the first run into town truck transfer with Jordy. What a hoot indeed.

Dr. Bloggy: Well Billy, as always I am glad talking to me helped. Can you go back to sleep now?

Billy: Sure can Doc and I think as long as I concentrate hard enough I will even be able to get back to that Moots dream that I was having.


Doug Brummett said...

Too funny. Both the series of events and the internal/external dialog with the blog for all to see. Thanks for giving a chuckle to me this afternoon. Good on yah for being there for a friend who wasn't there.

Wookie said...

thanks william, and i have been there for ya son. thanks for the skewed vantage point, and the horse shit!

Billy Fehr said...


Billy Fehr said...

5. to distort; depict unfairly
Number 5 is the only one that comes close to your application of skewed and that is way off.

Wookie said... glad youre keepin tabs. i love you william