Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Patriotically Vigilant

Over coffee not too long ago Swazey and I decided to partner up and start doing some free lance work for the CIA, FBI, NSA, ATF and Homeland Security. We figured if Nabisco and Kellogg's is doing it, why couldn't we? Ever since Part I of the Patriot Act was never read then signed into law we as a collective nation have been asked to pay attention and remain ever vigilant because our created enemy is trying to kill us. That's right folks, as recently as a few weeks ago our Secretary of State Hillary Clintoon reminded us just that, they(implying our enemy) are indeed trying to kill us, me and you. In an effort to double handily prevent the next 9/11 Swazey and I have been working together by identifying potential terrorists, watching their behavior, photo documenting their actions, monitoring their communications and when necessary reporting our findings to the local office of the FBI here in Charlotte. Our partnership although not yet connected to a tragedy averted has shown promising results including some laughs and a one handed high five. In an effort to keep open communications with the public we have declassified one of our recent local operations and present the findings below.

Here is a picture that I found on the Internet of a similar situation that Swazey and I found ourselves in on our first assignment as operators in the field after our short stint at the Farm. Assignment: Starbucks Uptown Charlotte NC-'Suspicious' man of Middle Eastern Heritage using Lap Top without ordering coffee. Photo Credit: Swazey using my spy cam.

What first struck us about this mark was his shifty eyes and uncomfortable mannerisms in a comfortable chair. The two just did not go together.
My partner noticed that the mark was looking at a screen that had graphs, numbers and stuff on it.
Upon closer inspection we noticed that the mark was reading how simple hazards like electrical shock, energy related hazards, fire, heat related hazards, mechanical hazards and radiation could be used to kill Americans not paying attention.
We filed our report on this mark and his 201 file was updated accordingly.
As a side note not directly connected to the lap top operation but very much parallel: While we were working on the above case I noticed a suspicious duffel bag hidden behind one of the big chairs in the room. I sent a message via my hand held transmitter and within seconds G8 nonchalantly entered the coffee shop and discreetly removed the sinister appearing gym bag. Minutes later I received confirmation that the contents of the bag were no more than a minuscule amount of a hobo's belongings. These days you can never be too sure.


Doug said...

the jar is a safer place w/ Billy and Swazey looking out for the safety of us all! :)

Anonymous said...

I will sleep soundly tonight knowing you are on watch.

Good post.

Anonymous said...

I think there's something suspicious in that ladies pants! Holy badonk!