Friday, September 11, 2009

Confrontational Commute

James E. Good(who it was an honor to finally meet) snapped this picture of me Tooning it up with the Wells Fargo Party earlier this week. Apparently the bank is doing great, just look at the smile on the face of Wells Fargo's North American President of Marketing sitting high on the Toon Stage Coach in dark pants and a hat that was toon sizes toon big. He got his bail out, did you get yours? LIG! Yesterday on the homeward bound ESSA I took the slightly longer as well as slightly less hectic route through the neighborhoods instead of the normal Centrolian Approach of two abreast each way where there is a bike lane to ride and have a smouldering grit thrown at you while being told to, "Get on the sidewalk!", by a passenger in a passing run down Ford Explorer. The passive way with more older neighborhood connectivity negates Central Ave completely however the route has me exposed longer to the side walk of the Albermarlean Traverse. Just past the Centrolian Split on that sidewalk I came up behind a pedestrian directly in the center of the side walk dragging his feet in the same direction that I was rolling. I hate riding up behind someone without trying to let them know that I am coming because I truly do not want to freak out any pedestrian by not warning them of my approach. So, at 10 meters out I slowed down and verbalized a firm but friendly, "Hell-Oh" which is Cheraw SC for hello. No notification of receipt of the communication so slowing down again and 5 meters closer I managed another verbal message this time it was, "Good Afternoon." I was obviously closer now still rolling and I saw that he heard me by the tilt of his face in my direction but he did not want to commit to engage in the connection that we were both on the same path. At this point I slowed down to a crawl then leaned left to go around him when all of a sudden he turned at me and stammered out a pansy faith based response, "This side walk is for pedestrians you dummy!' The dummy part rang out just as my rear wheel had safely made it by him. I nee like being called a dummy especially when I am on my bike as if the smarter option would have been to be in the gutter on the Albermarlean Traverse 3 wide headed east to the Toonshions in a 60mph plus nightmare race to nothing. I was a telephone pole length ahead of this guy when I dismounted on the fly, picked my bike off the ground by the bars I was holding and turned to face what I was not scared of. He was pasty with a huge mutton gut compost, dark glasses, a comb over and a weak gimp headed to no where. Then I explained my position from the point of my own pedestrian values and experience. He held fast to the basis that I should be in the road as I stood there taking it trying not to snap. As a minute went by I realized that this was another futile altercation with someone who was trying to put me in their emotional vice. This was his, not mine. I had to get out of there and quick. So I did and I let him know he was just awarded Fat Head of the Month.


springer said...

I seriously want to just follow you around for a week...incredible. You should have given him a hug and rode off, or punched him in the ear, either one would have been funny.

rachelvanslyke said...

I bet he would have dodged a hug, people are VERY scared of hugs, especially when they are lashing out. "Gimp"ing about - barking negativity to anyone/thing that comes into their relm. It's a lonely place to be, and they will try to bring others there with them because they feel empty and alone.

Billy Fehr said...

Springer and Raytch-