Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Sponsorship Nuez & Product Review

The night before last I was in the way out back splitting wood over hand with the maul when I saw and heard the UPS truck speed in and out of the driveway in less than a minute. As the driver in Brown mashed the accelerator and raced out of Dooleyville in a roar I yelled, "Hey wait Brown, did you know that UPS started as a Bicycle Messenger Service a long, long time ago?" On the front step I found a small card board box indicating that Hawley cares. Inside I found a wrist wrap reflective band that would make any advocate's heart skip a beat, a bottle of Muscle Milk Refuel which I think will help me if I ever get constipated, a Thomson Elite Seat Post at 29.0 x 330mm and a chicken scratched note in pencil from GJR himself explaining the contents of the box.
What do I do with the 29.0 Thomson? It no fits in my work bikey and even if it did I already run a Thomson in it.
No go in the Road Lemond either. Hey wait, I already have a Thomson that fits in this bike too.
Maybe the old Schwinn I found being thrown away, nope. CLTBlog, this is your new ride.
The post would look good on the cruiser if it would only fit in the seat tube.
Almost 2mm bigger than the mountain bike's post, damn almost all of my bikes require a 27.2mm post. What am I ever going to do with this high quality product?
The rigid responsive stiff light oval construction of the Thomson post makes an excellent 'Green' coffee stirrer as long as you are willing to carry it around all day in your messenger bag. Seeing that the muscle milk contains 1,000% of my daily requirement of both B6 and B12 vitamins I decided to add it to my morning 2 shot Red Eye. My friend Jay seems undisturbed by our little escapades.
Ms. Arcen finds that the hollow tech ergonomics of this Thomson Elite makes a perfect back scratcher and should be marketed to 5th graders around the world.
Mary is not sure what to do with the post but she loves the wrist wrap reflector that appears to not be adverting any Corporate Plan of Aggression with any words or logos.
The classic grooved texture of the machined surface of the Thomson feels good on the roof of a dog's mouth.
Run out of skewers for your veggies on the barbie and the in laws are over? In a pinch the Thomson Elite's metallurgy, memory and complexity takes the edge off of cooking on the grill.
Lost one of your Croquet Pegs and you are hosting the 'Big' neighborhood Tournament in an hour? Have no worry as long as your Thomson is close by. The official height of a standard Croquet Peg is 18" or 457.2mm and the diameter is 1.5" or 25.4mm. The Thomson 29.0 x 330mm is close enough for Government Work, so it is close enough for me.
Step one: Use the Croquet Mallet to hammer the Post into the ground. Notice how rigid the Post feels in its resistance to actually go into the ground.
Step 2: Set up the hoops in front of the Post/Peg.
Step 3: Aim in on the Post/Peg and hit the ball through the hoops.
Step 4: Score big with the Thomson Elite 29.0 x 330mm when you do not even have a bike that it will fit in! Adapt, overcome.
A big thanks to the President of Hawley USA for authorizing the shipment of this care package to such an amateur rider like me. More big thank yous go out to Swazey for taking the picture of me in the coffee house, Saint Lissa for shooting the one of me holding the barely legible note from GJR and finally Ms. Arcen for modeling the back scratcher, wrist wrap and scary smelling beverage.

5 comments:

Unibiker said...

So what bike does it go to? This mean ya hafta buy another bike to put it in?

Doug Brummett said...

Oh, my friend you have too much spare time. That photo in the coffee shop is classic. Thanks for the chuckle that this gave me this afternoon. BTW, school me on the whole red eye thing. I thought 2 shots and it upgraded to a black eye and 1 shot was a red eye. Am I off the back as usual?

Billy Fehr said...

UB-I have no friggin idea what bike needs it.
DB-Dude, I think you are right about the whole red/black eye thing. I have always ignorantly called it a 2 shot red eye ever since I started drinking it, however the correct order would prolly be a black eye in a for here mug.

The Ghost of Jerry Reed said...

nice shots billy!

wv: choltuis

Billy Fehr said...

not possible without the care package, thanks for the muscle milk!